Let‘s just try this on for size…
So we all love to blame Mum and Dad for our financial habits, limiting beliefs, childhood trauma, anxiety, mommy wounds, daddy issues, favouritism between siblings, trauma responses, life lessons learned the hard way... THE LIST GOES ON....
But what does this blame of others teach us?
It teaches us that we’re victims.
Powerless.
Influenced more by others than we are by ourselves in our own damn life.
Personally, I don’t like that. I don’t like allowing stories to live in my head that make me feel like I’m the secondary character in my own life.
With that in mind, I have something I’d love for you to try on and see how it feels…
Imagine for a moment that your Mum and/or Dad (or any parental system) genuinely did their absolute best to give you a better life than they had. To treat you better than they were treated. They are flawed individuals just like us, and they did their very best for you. Some days, their 100 effort was 20% of their usual capacity, but they still gave it. Some days they were neglectful, hurtful, cruel, but you might not be aware of what else was going on for them or the triggers you innocently, unintentionally activated in that moment. But imagine that they TRULY did the best they could.
And what if, your Mum and Dad are not your true creators?
What if they were created perfectly, to bring you into the world through them, and teach you everything you needed to learn to become the version of you that you are today, to make your unique footprint in our collective consciousness?
What if they raised you perfectly, by divine planning unbeknown to them, to enable you to make your unique impact in the world?
What if every challenge you went through with your family, happened perfectly to empower you to get to where you are today?
What if this is absolutely true, and sounds preposterous to you in this moment because the moment that exposes this truth to you simply hasn’t happened yet?
The challenges you have faced in your life may not be your fault, but they are your responsibility to heal from and learn from. Not your parents. You are response ABLE for what you choose to make of the hand you have been dealt.
Imagine a large coffee up and a small coffee cup.
If you’re expecting a large coffee to fit in a small cup, it’ll overflow and make a big mess. Doesn’t mean the coffee or the cup is bad, it’s just a difference in capacity.
What if this is the same for you and your parents? Perhaps you’re expecting too much and it’s making a mess of your relationship with them, or their capacity isn’t large enough to fill your cup. What if filling your cup is no longer their job? What if it's YOURS? What we’re talking about here is not flaws, shortcomings, deliberate acts of cruelty or neglect, what if we’re talking about different capacities, and how expectations can be innocently misplaced.
What if your parents are absolutely perfect just as they are, and if they had done anything differently, who’s to say you would be any better off?
You might be less interesting, less independent, less courageous, less open minded, less resilient.
So rather than focusing on how they were inadequate, ask yourself, how were they absolutely perfect?
How can you love them more just as they are, and love the version of yourself you have become because of them?
How can you carry the lessons you learned from the forward in life and make the very best of the hand you have been dealt from this day forward?
Who could your story impact positively? Sometimes we're leading the way for others and we don't even know it.
Food for thought ❤️